Youngsters!!

By looking at the title, i know i am OLD, but no complain because this is life, everybody grows older day by day, second by second, and well people may wish to be wiser too when older. today i met this interesting lady, a young lady ( ok ok, i am contrasting it like i am really really that old!!!), she was sitting beside me and she was friendly, she turned to me and we started a conversation which went like this : YL-young lady; WL-wai ling



YL: Hi, my name is xxxx, what is yours?



WL: Hi, i am wai ling, nice to meet u..



(in btw there were some questions which were not so important, and then...)



YL: where do u stay?



WL: pandan indah, cheras



YL (innocently): i thought that area is full of chinese and the chinese there are REALLY



"CHINESEE"!! (as in they cannot speak english la), how come ur english is so fluent?? (well only this

sentence itself she's got gramatical mistake)



WL (looked at her in the way that dunno whether to laugh or cry): o...it is because of my family (didn't wanna explain that much).



YL: o...me too, i am from eng speaking family, i stay in damansara and u know (this is the gist of the whole conversation) there are a lot of "BANANAS" there, a lot of chinese cannot speak mandarin, we speak english even with friends and family. (DAMN, AND U SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE SMUG ON HER FACE, SHE'S SO DAMN PROUD!! ) do u speak chinese? (wanted to correct her, chinese is not a language but didn't have the heart to because she was so proud)



WL: yeah i do, i came from a chinese independent high school (now it's my turn to be proud) *wink*.



~conversation ends~



This is the "trend" nowadays, youngsters, especially chinese youngsters in malaysia who are so proud to be BANANAS. Why is there a term like this for chinese who don't know chinese? when u look at the fruit itself, the skin of the banana is yellow and the fruit within ( it represents the culture and personality of a person) is white, hence the term "banana".



English is really important, without which, we might seem lacking in job interviews, we might not be able to keep up with the current issues happening all around the globe, but come on, it is just a language, just like any other language, but the western countries have made it so important and the impact on the people is so great that most in Malaysia might think english is their mother tongue instead. this is sad, i do not blame the young lady, as she's brought up this way, but when a person does not know his "root", he is merely a body without a soul and everything that makes up his way of thinking is just not himself.

There's a chinese proverb and pardon me if the translation seems absurd, it definitely will be absurd because this is the lacking of english language, in chinese, a few words express anything and everything, but u have to try so much harder in english, the proverb is "falling leaves return to its roots(落叶归根)", it signifies that no matter how tall or how great the leave seems to be on top of the tree, it will go back to its roots one day. No matter how "un-chinese" u think u r, at the end of the day, u can never runaway from your birth certificate and more importantly, ur skin colour and facial features ;) i know i am mean....:P

Pulau Ketam

A fabulous outing with my family to pulau ketam where we lavished on seafood and indulged in the serene atmosphere there. I am really is happy that after such a long time, we r going on a trip, all together, as a family..again. I love my family more than anything else in the world, when we were on the ferry, me and my sis talked about this guy who's kinda cute, but she said he looked good only from the side view, well, typical jing ling, nothing is good enough for her but she's still my dearest sister. My brother is the protector of the girls in the family, and i am proud to have him as my beloved brother and he remains the heart of the family. Parents are loving as usual and the whole picture of the family is just too sweet and kind, maybe something which i haven't experienced for such a long time. I've spent my life running away from myself and occasionally, from my family, and this is wrong. They are the ones i've got and i will have them for the rest of my life, no running away. Pulau Ketam is such a small and peaceful "kampung" that everything seemed so simple there, i was thinking, life could be this way too, everything could be made simpler, no complexity, well it is not hard to do so but it is in our mind. These few days were spent in such a simple and relaxing way that i forgot how i was living in the life that i used to live. I've decided to spend most of my time with my family because i know soon, we might all go different directions. My life has changed and i owe my thank to my family and 2 friends in particular, u know who u r ;P and i could never have made up my mind to change my own life without the love, encouragement and constant attention from this people, the world is just beautiful, i love you my life :P!

A New Beginning !!!

The past 50 days (more or less) have been the worst for me in my life...there were times when i had to go thru hell but nothing came close to the shit that happened to me throughout these 50 days, and i am so glad it is OVER!! someone told me my blog is interesting to read (hooray...) and the very same person encouraged me to go on writing..because there are still some people out there who would want to know what's going on with my life, although some just dun really bother...life's like this for everyone i guess. I've started my college (i know it took me years and i am still doing it) and looking for a new job now, got a couple of interviews to attend this week. I wanna make a difference this time, and i found out one single good thing about blogging, as a matter of fact i did not touch this website for weeks until last night and when i was reading it, it shocked me how i've changed, in small ways, from the person i used to be weeks ago, it's just funny, i guess humans change everyday, well not that visible changes of course, but no doubt, everyone changes to survive, our body temp changes, our mood changes, emotion changes and lots of other things. I dunno what i'm writing about because honestly, i am not in the mood to write about good stuff, at all, i was depressed and still am, well a little, but i wanted to do this for a friend, the one who has asked me to leave all my past behind and turn a new leaf, i am thankful to u. nobody can just leave their past behind like that, it needs time, it takes time, perhaps i will take a little bit longer this time but it is ok, i will be fine. it is always easier to say than do, i wish human brains, or at least my brains are like format-able memories in laptop, a limit imposed on it and we can restore or delete any part of it, if i could, i'd want to delete what had been happening with me for the past 3 years. i never regretted all the heartaches and pains, because as another dear person told me, it made me understood what life was all about, and i got to meet some super duper cool people, u know who u r, yes, it's u!!! and i'd like to end this by saying it is a new beginning mate, so party on, make a resolution and stick to it, have fun in life, stay cool and all your sadness will go away one day......i hope.....

to love or not to love

After so long..i am opening this shit again, i wonder why couldn't i blog when i was happy, at least then i could have captured the moment when i felt love, joy and happiness, right now, my feeling is nowhere near there. It is too damn difficult to be what you are not, I've been someone that i am not and i am tired of it. Wai Ling can never be someone who's constantly jealous, constantly worried about small things, where was the Wai Ling i used to know? the one who did not care much about anything, living her life as it was, where's she??? she has lost everything, her soul, her dignity, her pride, her honour, her humour, and her sensibility, all because of feelings...thank god i still have some friends who really care...i feel that i've reached the lowest point of my life, where nothing could be achieved, i wish to let love go right now, i wish to just forget about everything and start a new life, but can i? have i gotten too deep? I am so damn confused I dun even know what i'm doing...to love, or not to love? that's the question of all time...whatever it is, let god decide, i believe there's a light in all our hearts, and one day we shall learn to follow this light and be where we are supposed to be

My life has never been better!!

there have been a lot of people walking in and out of my life, i've had best friends, good friend, close friends, friends that could do anything for me, friends that i could do anything for. when a friendship ended everytime, i couldn't help but to wonder where did it go wrong, people that i have thought a world of, turned out that he/she was just another mistake i made in building my friendship with, along the way, i found out people were only kind to me because they admired me in some ways, but i dun think i've ever found anybody who loves me because they really know me and understand me. of course, it goes two way in friendship and relationship, come to think about it now, i dun think i could ever have done 1% of what some have done to me and for me, looking at the friendship that we've had. Somebody told me before that i trust easily and people take me for granted, that i should be a bit kinder to myself, this is not true at all,i dun trust easily at all, in fact, of all the people i've known, i barely trusted a few, let alone all. everybody's been hurt before, after being hurt, people tend to build a highly defensive wall around themselves, segregating them from the possible outer threat and thus, sometimes, even from the people they love.
Loneliness is unbearable, people have made a lot of stupid mistakes because of it, the way i see it, it is like a timed bomb, sitting itself securely all over you, when the time comes, when the clock starts ticking, you feel lost and helpless, you feel that something has drained all your strength within, something has demolished the wisdom u've had for years, for just that brief moment, nothing seems to matter anymore, not even yourself. Love is not the reason people act absurdly, but love brings loneliness, and loneliness causes troubles. Of course, not everybody deals with it this way, but no doubt, everybody has been defeated by loneliness in one way or another. I am staying very focused now, because i do not wish to make any mistake by acting my loneliness out, and regret my action later, when you feel lonely, the one and only cure that will come to your mind is to get a companionship, from anyone within your grasp and that includes the person you love, this is not going to happen anymore, because no matter how bright and colourful the firework might seem, it will never last for long, the sparks are just too brief for anybody to hold on to.
i'm not feeling well today, just not feeling well. I am still collecting the pieces of my life from everywhere and trying to piece them in one, the puzzle of life might never be completed, but at least i learn and love along the way.

the time is 3.46am, it's raining heavily,
i've been trying to sleep for the past 3 hours,
but couldnt.
the rain came just in time,
it refreshed my cloudy mind,
there are things that u expect,
and things that u will never expect,
not even until the day u die.

The funny poem on top explains everything that i've been going thru for the past 3 hours, i really am talented in poems :p. I drank 2 cups of coffee this morning when i was in office, dumb choice! i drank it even though i dun have the habit at all, but it was to keep me awake while i was working. i've been planning a lot of things when i was lying on the bed, too many..and some even unworkable, but who should decide whether my dreams are gonna come true, me!! i was shocked last night, truly shocked when i read a sms from a person who i thought i could trust and even though we r not what we used to be, i tot we were not enemies. for the first time last night after many many many days, i felt helpless and lost, i felt that i really had no one in my life, nobody was there for me and nobody would be there for me. but today, i felt differently. i'm supposed to be in charge of my life, nobody's supposed to affect my emotions because if i don't let it, nothing can hurt me! throughout the day i was still shocked, but no longer devastated and miserable, it was a kind of strength that's new to me, and because of this strength, i made myself felt better again

don't let dissapointment and self-pity overwhelm you, i've learned this. Instead of thinking what could have happened that it turned out that way, start thinking how should i relieve myself from the pain, time can heal all pain, and this is so true, take a step at a time, take everything light and easy, and soon enough, you will find that nothing is as terrible as u imagine.

RIDICULOUS!

RIDICULOUS! why should i feel bad and guilty for something which i've not done wrongly?? all this while i have been true to myself, even if it hurts u, i've not lied to myself so far, so y should i be down and i was guilt-stricken for a while, silly me! i did what i had to do and even if nobody could understand me, it's ok, as long as i knew i was right! u guys thought u could make me feel bad? u guys tot everything was my fault? come on, if i did not do what i had to do, it would have been worse for all parties. i dun care anymore, i know i did nothing, even if u tot otherwise. even if one day i have nobody else in the world, i still have myself, that's more than enough, i dun need anyone, i dun trust anyone, i certainly dun care about anyone, nobody can bring me down, try as u may, u can never hurt me, not even close! i promised myself not to let anyone in my world, this is how it is, this is how it will be, the next person that is allowed into my world, he's the one for life! everyone is selfish, i guess i am the most selfless person compared to a lot of people, even if u think i've done u wrong, u r selfish, u never stood in anyone's shoes to think for that person, so y should i put myself in ur shoes and think of what u felt and felt guilty myself?? RIDICULOUS!