Changeling (2008) directed by Clint Eastwood

I've just finished watching the movie, yeah i know i've been watching a lot of movies, This is it by MJ b4 and now Changeling, well what to do, i have no important dates to go for and i have plenty of time at home, this is one of the best things that could ever happen to me, honestly :P. I "started" watching this movie 2 weeks ago and yes, obviously i did not go on until the end first time watching it, in fact it was at very beginning of the movie that i stopped it. I told a friend that the movie was bullcrap, reason? It showed how powerless a woman could be and i hated that feeling, I hated the fact that the movie portrayed women as the weaker subject, and it was ridiculous how the police forced the mother to admit that the son was hers when in fact he was not, for you who have not heard of the movie or watched it or even read the sypnosis of it, plz do so in wikipedia or even better, watch it. Today, before i was about to sleep, i suddenly remembered that i've this half-watched movie left and so i told myself no matter how absurd, finished it because it's Angelina Jolie's movie (well how bad can her movies be :P). After watching it, I have to admit this is the first movie ever, that I CRIED while watching it, not sobbing, crying ;). It is truly moving and forget about the acting of the actors (obviously their skills were impeccable), the message that the movie brought, i've never felt anything quite like this before from a movie, well i've watched a few good movies but this is totally different. I cried when the murderer Gordon Stewart Northcott was hanged and i've no idea why ( i sorta thought i cried at the wrong part of the movie, well should have cried when i saw the helplessness and the feeling of lost in AJ's eyes when searching for her son and she had to bear with the mental and physical torture when she was "escorted" to the asylum due to her confrontation with the force) *you will understand the verb in bracket if u watch the movie*. I cried the moment when the condemned was dropped, when I heard a crack and when he struggled before he died, it was so surreal that i couldn't hold myself. Towards the end, I no longer thought that the movie displayed women as weaker sex, u know something, as much as you think women are powerless, that's how strong they are. I was so moved by the movie that I think it's really worth mentioning, it shows u despair that everybody experiences everyday, nobody escapes from it, the despair of losing ur loved ones, the despair of watching ur loved ones die, the despair of not knowing what's gonna happen, the despair of being completely sane but nobody buys it. This movie's based on a true event so it added the element of realness to it.

So again, of course, it is about me :P. Whatever problems I'm facing right now is nothing compared to those who have suffered lost of loved ones and no matter how "despair" i believe myself to be, I can be nowhere near that, so here comes my strength again to move on, to tell myself that nothing is as bad, take life easy for now as we will all have many other occasions which will make life so much harder (i sincerely hope nothing of that sort will happen but life is life, we are not living on a bed of roses all the time), appreciate what you have because once it's gone, you might never have the second chance to get it back ;)



P/S: oh yeah, credit goes to Clint Eastwood (not like he needs my compliment anyway :P) wonderful storyline which touched the core of my heart ;)

This Is It by MJ (R.I.P)

When i first heard mom saying: " we're going for MJ's movie this sat, i've bought the tickets, so make urself available." I was like "isn't it enuff already, no disrespect but let's move on, let him move on and we should move on too" Anyway before going for the movie i almost wanted to back out but i didn't have the heart to tell my mom so. I googled on the internet(and yes fyi i can use google)and started reading the preliminary of the movie, basically it's just about the "This Is It" concert which MJ was supposed to perform around the world before his death, the movie is a compilation of dancing rehearsals, the casting of dancers, MJ vocal training etc, the opening was well....earnest..a few dancers talking about how happy they were to work with MJ and some of them even cried, but at that moment when u looked at their expression, u knew that MJ was larger than life to them, even to millions of others. Listening to some of the old songs of MJ like "earth song", "they don't care about us", "Billy Jean" and others was like walking down the memory lane, not only that u remember the songs and the music videos, it brought back a lot of my own memories to me, and mind u, he sang those songs live, that's the awesome part, u actually heard him singing during the rehearsal for the concert and i have to admit this, his voice sounded like an angel, to me, at least :) i felt good about myself when i was watching the documentary, suddenly i felt that nothing could really harm me, i have my whole life to fall back to if anything happens, i am not sure how many of u understands that feeling, but it feels nice to be able to fall back to your life, unlike falling back to a person, whom u might not be able to trust all the time, but your own life, it's like yourself, except your own action and inaction shapes the way it looks, but it belongs to you, it is yours, nobody can take that away from you, it doesn't matter if it will turn out right in the future, but at one point, the point where u start pondering about it, it is yours. I figured i really did not need anyone else other than my own family, and myself, I was born alone and i've come this far alone, y do i need anyone to make me happy? i will be happy if i want to be, regardless of who i have and who i don't. Perhaps inner peace is really all about self-reliance, i dunno. Coming back to the documentary, MJ was presented as himself, u know there are a lot of corny hollywood stars trying to make a real-life documentary about themselves and they are even faker than the hollywood movies itself. well i might be biased but i guess MJ couldn't have guessed that the footage would be made into a movie, so my assumption....he was really himself in the footage, and i admire him. He was like a friend to everybody, that down-to-earth, that humble, he had this magnetic charm that everybody wanted to get closer to him, to hear what he said, to just sit there and listen to him singing. A person with such great talent, but nobody was intimidated, and throughout his rehearsal, he mouthed this several times and i think it's really sweet "god bless u" to several of his dancers and co-workers, through MJ, u see an un-tainted star, u see someone as pure as water, someone who has not had a better life than all of us had (although he definitely had much much more money and fame :P), and yet persevered and stood at the mountain top, even when scandals had brought him down. I should stop writing about MJ, because i can go on and on, let him rest in peace. I love you Michael Jackson :D

The Truth

It's been a long time, i've had a series of unfortunate events and well am not here to actually talk about them, i just wanna talk about how the world looks different to me after all these "mishaps". First off, when u have troubles, when you seem to lose your sanity after walking on the edge for too long, when you KNOW it that nobody could really understand, you are right, nobody could. It does not matter what somebody told u before, because it was before all your problems, it was before all the troubles, it was before you lost yourself. I have this friend who I really thought a world of, someone who i could never foresee would just hide himself from me when i was in trouble, proved me wrong!! The reason?? he wanted to "heal" me, he wanted to let me stand on my own 2 feet, wanted me to be who i used to be again. It is always easy to just "heal" someone by words, it is always easy to keep telling the person how much i wanted to help and whatever i did, i did it for your welfare (by ignoring what i said and not keeping in touch), i wanted u to learn something and realize your mistake. Damn, if words could help, there would be no war and no fights in this world. The reality is, he's running away, either from me or from himself or from both. It is too tough to keep this friendship, i am trying to simplify my world now, not complicating stuff and not be judgmental anymore, i think i am gonna let this go, come what may, i am not a rug that when you feel like talking to me, u talk, and when u dun, well u give me i-am-trying-to-let-u-heal-urself shit, I am not gonna let anybody walk all over me because i am not a door mat. When you have problems, you come to me, you share your problems, i'm happy to listen to you and give u appropriate solutions if i could, but when i share mine, well it seems too much for u to bear and at the end of the day u start judging me, it's hurtful to start a sentence this way "to me right now, you are *like this and like that*" i dun need anyone to tell me what kind of person i am, i've been living with myself for the past 24 years, i best know what attitude i have.

Start running away, because i honestly do not care about anyone else anymore except for some friends who really do care, whatever mistake i've done in the past, they r experiences which are all mine to learn, u have no right in it and definitely not helping me to cope better, u r just selfish, that's all i can say....

Youngsters!!

By looking at the title, i know i am OLD, but no complain because this is life, everybody grows older day by day, second by second, and well people may wish to be wiser too when older. today i met this interesting lady, a young lady ( ok ok, i am contrasting it like i am really really that old!!!), she was sitting beside me and she was friendly, she turned to me and we started a conversation which went like this : YL-young lady; WL-wai ling



YL: Hi, my name is xxxx, what is yours?



WL: Hi, i am wai ling, nice to meet u..



(in btw there were some questions which were not so important, and then...)



YL: where do u stay?



WL: pandan indah, cheras



YL (innocently): i thought that area is full of chinese and the chinese there are REALLY



"CHINESEE"!! (as in they cannot speak english la), how come ur english is so fluent?? (well only this

sentence itself she's got gramatical mistake)



WL (looked at her in the way that dunno whether to laugh or cry): o...it is because of my family (didn't wanna explain that much).



YL: o...me too, i am from eng speaking family, i stay in damansara and u know (this is the gist of the whole conversation) there are a lot of "BANANAS" there, a lot of chinese cannot speak mandarin, we speak english even with friends and family. (DAMN, AND U SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE SMUG ON HER FACE, SHE'S SO DAMN PROUD!! ) do u speak chinese? (wanted to correct her, chinese is not a language but didn't have the heart to because she was so proud)



WL: yeah i do, i came from a chinese independent high school (now it's my turn to be proud) *wink*.



~conversation ends~



This is the "trend" nowadays, youngsters, especially chinese youngsters in malaysia who are so proud to be BANANAS. Why is there a term like this for chinese who don't know chinese? when u look at the fruit itself, the skin of the banana is yellow and the fruit within ( it represents the culture and personality of a person) is white, hence the term "banana".



English is really important, without which, we might seem lacking in job interviews, we might not be able to keep up with the current issues happening all around the globe, but come on, it is just a language, just like any other language, but the western countries have made it so important and the impact on the people is so great that most in Malaysia might think english is their mother tongue instead. this is sad, i do not blame the young lady, as she's brought up this way, but when a person does not know his "root", he is merely a body without a soul and everything that makes up his way of thinking is just not himself.

There's a chinese proverb and pardon me if the translation seems absurd, it definitely will be absurd because this is the lacking of english language, in chinese, a few words express anything and everything, but u have to try so much harder in english, the proverb is "falling leaves return to its roots(落叶归根)", it signifies that no matter how tall or how great the leave seems to be on top of the tree, it will go back to its roots one day. No matter how "un-chinese" u think u r, at the end of the day, u can never runaway from your birth certificate and more importantly, ur skin colour and facial features ;) i know i am mean....:P

Pulau Ketam

A fabulous outing with my family to pulau ketam where we lavished on seafood and indulged in the serene atmosphere there. I am really is happy that after such a long time, we r going on a trip, all together, as a family..again. I love my family more than anything else in the world, when we were on the ferry, me and my sis talked about this guy who's kinda cute, but she said he looked good only from the side view, well, typical jing ling, nothing is good enough for her but she's still my dearest sister. My brother is the protector of the girls in the family, and i am proud to have him as my beloved brother and he remains the heart of the family. Parents are loving as usual and the whole picture of the family is just too sweet and kind, maybe something which i haven't experienced for such a long time. I've spent my life running away from myself and occasionally, from my family, and this is wrong. They are the ones i've got and i will have them for the rest of my life, no running away. Pulau Ketam is such a small and peaceful "kampung" that everything seemed so simple there, i was thinking, life could be this way too, everything could be made simpler, no complexity, well it is not hard to do so but it is in our mind. These few days were spent in such a simple and relaxing way that i forgot how i was living in the life that i used to live. I've decided to spend most of my time with my family because i know soon, we might all go different directions. My life has changed and i owe my thank to my family and 2 friends in particular, u know who u r ;P and i could never have made up my mind to change my own life without the love, encouragement and constant attention from this people, the world is just beautiful, i love you my life :P!

A New Beginning !!!

The past 50 days (more or less) have been the worst for me in my life...there were times when i had to go thru hell but nothing came close to the shit that happened to me throughout these 50 days, and i am so glad it is OVER!! someone told me my blog is interesting to read (hooray...) and the very same person encouraged me to go on writing..because there are still some people out there who would want to know what's going on with my life, although some just dun really bother...life's like this for everyone i guess. I've started my college (i know it took me years and i am still doing it) and looking for a new job now, got a couple of interviews to attend this week. I wanna make a difference this time, and i found out one single good thing about blogging, as a matter of fact i did not touch this website for weeks until last night and when i was reading it, it shocked me how i've changed, in small ways, from the person i used to be weeks ago, it's just funny, i guess humans change everyday, well not that visible changes of course, but no doubt, everyone changes to survive, our body temp changes, our mood changes, emotion changes and lots of other things. I dunno what i'm writing about because honestly, i am not in the mood to write about good stuff, at all, i was depressed and still am, well a little, but i wanted to do this for a friend, the one who has asked me to leave all my past behind and turn a new leaf, i am thankful to u. nobody can just leave their past behind like that, it needs time, it takes time, perhaps i will take a little bit longer this time but it is ok, i will be fine. it is always easier to say than do, i wish human brains, or at least my brains are like format-able memories in laptop, a limit imposed on it and we can restore or delete any part of it, if i could, i'd want to delete what had been happening with me for the past 3 years. i never regretted all the heartaches and pains, because as another dear person told me, it made me understood what life was all about, and i got to meet some super duper cool people, u know who u r, yes, it's u!!! and i'd like to end this by saying it is a new beginning mate, so party on, make a resolution and stick to it, have fun in life, stay cool and all your sadness will go away one day......i hope.....

to love or not to love

After so long..i am opening this shit again, i wonder why couldn't i blog when i was happy, at least then i could have captured the moment when i felt love, joy and happiness, right now, my feeling is nowhere near there. It is too damn difficult to be what you are not, I've been someone that i am not and i am tired of it. Wai Ling can never be someone who's constantly jealous, constantly worried about small things, where was the Wai Ling i used to know? the one who did not care much about anything, living her life as it was, where's she??? she has lost everything, her soul, her dignity, her pride, her honour, her humour, and her sensibility, all because of feelings...thank god i still have some friends who really care...i feel that i've reached the lowest point of my life, where nothing could be achieved, i wish to let love go right now, i wish to just forget about everything and start a new life, but can i? have i gotten too deep? I am so damn confused I dun even know what i'm doing...to love, or not to love? that's the question of all time...whatever it is, let god decide, i believe there's a light in all our hearts, and one day we shall learn to follow this light and be where we are supposed to be