~Random~

The minute troubles are over, that's when you live again, but troubles will never be over permanently, not as long as you live, guess that's why people always say life goes on, by the tone of it, it sounds like life is all about troubles but no matter how troubled it is, one always has his way of rising up, through it all. I dunno why am i writing all these, because right now i have no troubles at all, perhaps we have all lived with troubles for such a long time that even when we have none, we tend to cling on to it like it's part of us. It is part of us :P. I've always asked myself y didn't i blog when i felt contented and happy? now i know the answer, because when i felt that troubles were far away from me, i had no reason to pour my heart out, people only pour their hearts out during frustration, disappointment and everything bad..and this is just wrong. When you feel all fine and happy, dun u want to remember the moment and re-live it like how we all do with sadness? Sadly this privilege of re-living the moments is only reserved for sorrows, well blame it on the biological function of our brains (although i dunno how it actually works).

Whatever it is, I feel blessed at this moment itself and i just want this moment to be captured because this moment might never come again, who knows?? too much crap, too early in the morning :)

"The Blowers Daughter"

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

-such a beautiful song but i was searching for the meaning of it because i didn't really get the hang of it and guess what i found :P here's a story to the song (let me copy and paste..hehehe..)

~THE MEANING~
"The thing with the clarinet teacher is a common misconception about this song. It's been said so often that it's almost become a self-fulfilling truth. Can't remember where it was first mentioned but it's been picked up and gained momentum. Anyway, it's not true.

Back when I first saw Damien play years ago he explained the meaning of the song, and it took me a while to understand the relevance. I didn't get it at the time, but luckily someone taped the show and I was able to listen back to it.

The Blower in question wasn't a clarinet teacher, but the cockney rhyming slang for the telephone (Stick with me, I know it sounds ambiguous!). Before he was in Juniper Damien worked at a call centre selling mortgages and loans, and spent all day on the telephone. He grew sick of speaking to people for 8 hours a day without seeing anyone's face, and he began to fantasize about the people behind the many voices he heard. One summer day he phoned a house and a girl with a melodic soft, sweet voice answered the phone. He was calling for her father, but he wasn't in. Protocol said he should have ended the call and phoned back another time, but he was mesmerized and enchanted by her voice and ended up chatting to her for over an hour. Damien began a secret relationship of sorts with the girl, always calling when he knew her father wouldn't be home just so they could talk, despite knowing that it could get him sacked. He dreamed of her at night, daydreamed about her all day long.

This continued for over a month, but one day he called and there was no answer. For the next week he called again numerous times a day, but still nobody picked up the phone. Confused by this abrupt end to the relationship, Damien became angry and obsessive (you were right about the obsessive bit) and found out the address of the girl. He took a day off work and got the bus out to the address.

Hidden in a hedge he watched the front door fervently for any signs of life, but he didn't expect what he finally saw. The voice was unmistakably the same, and as she shouted 'bye mum', closing the front door behind her Damien was amazed to see that this dreamgirl of his was wearing a school uniform. He couldn't believe his eyes and could not stop staring at her in shock. All the pieces of the puzzle finally fell into place - she was at home during the school holidays, led him on and played games, then when school started back she just stopped. Damien was angry but obviously couldn't tell anybody about it for fear of being branded a perv. He left the company and formed Juniper shortly after.

Apparently, although this hasn't been confirmed, this girl was part of the inspiration for volcano as well. (She's still too young)"






~all these saddening tunes are for a teenage girl whom he's never met and just spoken to on the phone???? This guy has "great" inspiration for the song, the song sounded like his love just died right in front of him, it turned out to be a puppy love :P, well he's still talented nonetheless, he could turn such a simple affection for a teenage girl to make it sound like his beloved died in a car accident...:P

This is a song to a person who has taught me so much, who has always been there but I never realized how important this person was until he's gone, even if everything's changed, whatever memories we had could never be erased, and i hope the next time we see each other again, we will be better than we are now, and we will have the strength to live again.....


心动 - 林晓培

有多久没见你 以为你在那里
原来就住在我心底 陪伴着我的呼吸
有多远的距离 以为闻不到你的气息
谁知道你背影这么长 回头就看到你

过去让它过去 来不及
从头喜欢你 白云缠绕着蓝天
如果不能够永远走在一起
也至少给我们怀念的勇气 拥抱的权利
好让你明白 我心动 的痕迹

总是想再见你 还试着打探你 消息
原来你就住在我的身体守护我的回忆

Changeling (2008) directed by Clint Eastwood

I've just finished watching the movie, yeah i know i've been watching a lot of movies, This is it by MJ b4 and now Changeling, well what to do, i have no important dates to go for and i have plenty of time at home, this is one of the best things that could ever happen to me, honestly :P. I "started" watching this movie 2 weeks ago and yes, obviously i did not go on until the end first time watching it, in fact it was at very beginning of the movie that i stopped it. I told a friend that the movie was bullcrap, reason? It showed how powerless a woman could be and i hated that feeling, I hated the fact that the movie portrayed women as the weaker subject, and it was ridiculous how the police forced the mother to admit that the son was hers when in fact he was not, for you who have not heard of the movie or watched it or even read the sypnosis of it, plz do so in wikipedia or even better, watch it. Today, before i was about to sleep, i suddenly remembered that i've this half-watched movie left and so i told myself no matter how absurd, finished it because it's Angelina Jolie's movie (well how bad can her movies be :P). After watching it, I have to admit this is the first movie ever, that I CRIED while watching it, not sobbing, crying ;). It is truly moving and forget about the acting of the actors (obviously their skills were impeccable), the message that the movie brought, i've never felt anything quite like this before from a movie, well i've watched a few good movies but this is totally different. I cried when the murderer Gordon Stewart Northcott was hanged and i've no idea why ( i sorta thought i cried at the wrong part of the movie, well should have cried when i saw the helplessness and the feeling of lost in AJ's eyes when searching for her son and she had to bear with the mental and physical torture when she was "escorted" to the asylum due to her confrontation with the force) *you will understand the verb in bracket if u watch the movie*. I cried the moment when the condemned was dropped, when I heard a crack and when he struggled before he died, it was so surreal that i couldn't hold myself. Towards the end, I no longer thought that the movie displayed women as weaker sex, u know something, as much as you think women are powerless, that's how strong they are. I was so moved by the movie that I think it's really worth mentioning, it shows u despair that everybody experiences everyday, nobody escapes from it, the despair of losing ur loved ones, the despair of watching ur loved ones die, the despair of not knowing what's gonna happen, the despair of being completely sane but nobody buys it. This movie's based on a true event so it added the element of realness to it.

So again, of course, it is about me :P. Whatever problems I'm facing right now is nothing compared to those who have suffered lost of loved ones and no matter how "despair" i believe myself to be, I can be nowhere near that, so here comes my strength again to move on, to tell myself that nothing is as bad, take life easy for now as we will all have many other occasions which will make life so much harder (i sincerely hope nothing of that sort will happen but life is life, we are not living on a bed of roses all the time), appreciate what you have because once it's gone, you might never have the second chance to get it back ;)



P/S: oh yeah, credit goes to Clint Eastwood (not like he needs my compliment anyway :P) wonderful storyline which touched the core of my heart ;)

This Is It by MJ (R.I.P)

When i first heard mom saying: " we're going for MJ's movie this sat, i've bought the tickets, so make urself available." I was like "isn't it enuff already, no disrespect but let's move on, let him move on and we should move on too" Anyway before going for the movie i almost wanted to back out but i didn't have the heart to tell my mom so. I googled on the internet(and yes fyi i can use google)and started reading the preliminary of the movie, basically it's just about the "This Is It" concert which MJ was supposed to perform around the world before his death, the movie is a compilation of dancing rehearsals, the casting of dancers, MJ vocal training etc, the opening was well....earnest..a few dancers talking about how happy they were to work with MJ and some of them even cried, but at that moment when u looked at their expression, u knew that MJ was larger than life to them, even to millions of others. Listening to some of the old songs of MJ like "earth song", "they don't care about us", "Billy Jean" and others was like walking down the memory lane, not only that u remember the songs and the music videos, it brought back a lot of my own memories to me, and mind u, he sang those songs live, that's the awesome part, u actually heard him singing during the rehearsal for the concert and i have to admit this, his voice sounded like an angel, to me, at least :) i felt good about myself when i was watching the documentary, suddenly i felt that nothing could really harm me, i have my whole life to fall back to if anything happens, i am not sure how many of u understands that feeling, but it feels nice to be able to fall back to your life, unlike falling back to a person, whom u might not be able to trust all the time, but your own life, it's like yourself, except your own action and inaction shapes the way it looks, but it belongs to you, it is yours, nobody can take that away from you, it doesn't matter if it will turn out right in the future, but at one point, the point where u start pondering about it, it is yours. I figured i really did not need anyone else other than my own family, and myself, I was born alone and i've come this far alone, y do i need anyone to make me happy? i will be happy if i want to be, regardless of who i have and who i don't. Perhaps inner peace is really all about self-reliance, i dunno. Coming back to the documentary, MJ was presented as himself, u know there are a lot of corny hollywood stars trying to make a real-life documentary about themselves and they are even faker than the hollywood movies itself. well i might be biased but i guess MJ couldn't have guessed that the footage would be made into a movie, so my assumption....he was really himself in the footage, and i admire him. He was like a friend to everybody, that down-to-earth, that humble, he had this magnetic charm that everybody wanted to get closer to him, to hear what he said, to just sit there and listen to him singing. A person with such great talent, but nobody was intimidated, and throughout his rehearsal, he mouthed this several times and i think it's really sweet "god bless u" to several of his dancers and co-workers, through MJ, u see an un-tainted star, u see someone as pure as water, someone who has not had a better life than all of us had (although he definitely had much much more money and fame :P), and yet persevered and stood at the mountain top, even when scandals had brought him down. I should stop writing about MJ, because i can go on and on, let him rest in peace. I love you Michael Jackson :D

The Truth

It's been a long time, i've had a series of unfortunate events and well am not here to actually talk about them, i just wanna talk about how the world looks different to me after all these "mishaps". First off, when u have troubles, when you seem to lose your sanity after walking on the edge for too long, when you KNOW it that nobody could really understand, you are right, nobody could. It does not matter what somebody told u before, because it was before all your problems, it was before all the troubles, it was before you lost yourself. I have this friend who I really thought a world of, someone who i could never foresee would just hide himself from me when i was in trouble, proved me wrong!! The reason?? he wanted to "heal" me, he wanted to let me stand on my own 2 feet, wanted me to be who i used to be again. It is always easy to just "heal" someone by words, it is always easy to keep telling the person how much i wanted to help and whatever i did, i did it for your welfare (by ignoring what i said and not keeping in touch), i wanted u to learn something and realize your mistake. Damn, if words could help, there would be no war and no fights in this world. The reality is, he's running away, either from me or from himself or from both. It is too tough to keep this friendship, i am trying to simplify my world now, not complicating stuff and not be judgmental anymore, i think i am gonna let this go, come what may, i am not a rug that when you feel like talking to me, u talk, and when u dun, well u give me i-am-trying-to-let-u-heal-urself shit, I am not gonna let anybody walk all over me because i am not a door mat. When you have problems, you come to me, you share your problems, i'm happy to listen to you and give u appropriate solutions if i could, but when i share mine, well it seems too much for u to bear and at the end of the day u start judging me, it's hurtful to start a sentence this way "to me right now, you are *like this and like that*" i dun need anyone to tell me what kind of person i am, i've been living with myself for the past 24 years, i best know what attitude i have.

Start running away, because i honestly do not care about anyone else anymore except for some friends who really do care, whatever mistake i've done in the past, they r experiences which are all mine to learn, u have no right in it and definitely not helping me to cope better, u r just selfish, that's all i can say....

Youngsters!!

By looking at the title, i know i am OLD, but no complain because this is life, everybody grows older day by day, second by second, and well people may wish to be wiser too when older. today i met this interesting lady, a young lady ( ok ok, i am contrasting it like i am really really that old!!!), she was sitting beside me and she was friendly, she turned to me and we started a conversation which went like this : YL-young lady; WL-wai ling



YL: Hi, my name is xxxx, what is yours?



WL: Hi, i am wai ling, nice to meet u..



(in btw there were some questions which were not so important, and then...)



YL: where do u stay?



WL: pandan indah, cheras



YL (innocently): i thought that area is full of chinese and the chinese there are REALLY



"CHINESEE"!! (as in they cannot speak english la), how come ur english is so fluent?? (well only this

sentence itself she's got gramatical mistake)



WL (looked at her in the way that dunno whether to laugh or cry): o...it is because of my family (didn't wanna explain that much).



YL: o...me too, i am from eng speaking family, i stay in damansara and u know (this is the gist of the whole conversation) there are a lot of "BANANAS" there, a lot of chinese cannot speak mandarin, we speak english even with friends and family. (DAMN, AND U SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE SMUG ON HER FACE, SHE'S SO DAMN PROUD!! ) do u speak chinese? (wanted to correct her, chinese is not a language but didn't have the heart to because she was so proud)



WL: yeah i do, i came from a chinese independent high school (now it's my turn to be proud) *wink*.



~conversation ends~



This is the "trend" nowadays, youngsters, especially chinese youngsters in malaysia who are so proud to be BANANAS. Why is there a term like this for chinese who don't know chinese? when u look at the fruit itself, the skin of the banana is yellow and the fruit within ( it represents the culture and personality of a person) is white, hence the term "banana".



English is really important, without which, we might seem lacking in job interviews, we might not be able to keep up with the current issues happening all around the globe, but come on, it is just a language, just like any other language, but the western countries have made it so important and the impact on the people is so great that most in Malaysia might think english is their mother tongue instead. this is sad, i do not blame the young lady, as she's brought up this way, but when a person does not know his "root", he is merely a body without a soul and everything that makes up his way of thinking is just not himself.

There's a chinese proverb and pardon me if the translation seems absurd, it definitely will be absurd because this is the lacking of english language, in chinese, a few words express anything and everything, but u have to try so much harder in english, the proverb is "falling leaves return to its roots(落叶归根)", it signifies that no matter how tall or how great the leave seems to be on top of the tree, it will go back to its roots one day. No matter how "un-chinese" u think u r, at the end of the day, u can never runaway from your birth certificate and more importantly, ur skin colour and facial features ;) i know i am mean....:P

Pulau Ketam

A fabulous outing with my family to pulau ketam where we lavished on seafood and indulged in the serene atmosphere there. I am really is happy that after such a long time, we r going on a trip, all together, as a family..again. I love my family more than anything else in the world, when we were on the ferry, me and my sis talked about this guy who's kinda cute, but she said he looked good only from the side view, well, typical jing ling, nothing is good enough for her but she's still my dearest sister. My brother is the protector of the girls in the family, and i am proud to have him as my beloved brother and he remains the heart of the family. Parents are loving as usual and the whole picture of the family is just too sweet and kind, maybe something which i haven't experienced for such a long time. I've spent my life running away from myself and occasionally, from my family, and this is wrong. They are the ones i've got and i will have them for the rest of my life, no running away. Pulau Ketam is such a small and peaceful "kampung" that everything seemed so simple there, i was thinking, life could be this way too, everything could be made simpler, no complexity, well it is not hard to do so but it is in our mind. These few days were spent in such a simple and relaxing way that i forgot how i was living in the life that i used to live. I've decided to spend most of my time with my family because i know soon, we might all go different directions. My life has changed and i owe my thank to my family and 2 friends in particular, u know who u r ;P and i could never have made up my mind to change my own life without the love, encouragement and constant attention from this people, the world is just beautiful, i love you my life :P!

A New Beginning !!!

The past 50 days (more or less) have been the worst for me in my life...there were times when i had to go thru hell but nothing came close to the shit that happened to me throughout these 50 days, and i am so glad it is OVER!! someone told me my blog is interesting to read (hooray...) and the very same person encouraged me to go on writing..because there are still some people out there who would want to know what's going on with my life, although some just dun really bother...life's like this for everyone i guess. I've started my college (i know it took me years and i am still doing it) and looking for a new job now, got a couple of interviews to attend this week. I wanna make a difference this time, and i found out one single good thing about blogging, as a matter of fact i did not touch this website for weeks until last night and when i was reading it, it shocked me how i've changed, in small ways, from the person i used to be weeks ago, it's just funny, i guess humans change everyday, well not that visible changes of course, but no doubt, everyone changes to survive, our body temp changes, our mood changes, emotion changes and lots of other things. I dunno what i'm writing about because honestly, i am not in the mood to write about good stuff, at all, i was depressed and still am, well a little, but i wanted to do this for a friend, the one who has asked me to leave all my past behind and turn a new leaf, i am thankful to u. nobody can just leave their past behind like that, it needs time, it takes time, perhaps i will take a little bit longer this time but it is ok, i will be fine. it is always easier to say than do, i wish human brains, or at least my brains are like format-able memories in laptop, a limit imposed on it and we can restore or delete any part of it, if i could, i'd want to delete what had been happening with me for the past 3 years. i never regretted all the heartaches and pains, because as another dear person told me, it made me understood what life was all about, and i got to meet some super duper cool people, u know who u r, yes, it's u!!! and i'd like to end this by saying it is a new beginning mate, so party on, make a resolution and stick to it, have fun in life, stay cool and all your sadness will go away one day......i hope.....

to love or not to love

After so long..i am opening this shit again, i wonder why couldn't i blog when i was happy, at least then i could have captured the moment when i felt love, joy and happiness, right now, my feeling is nowhere near there. It is too damn difficult to be what you are not, I've been someone that i am not and i am tired of it. Wai Ling can never be someone who's constantly jealous, constantly worried about small things, where was the Wai Ling i used to know? the one who did not care much about anything, living her life as it was, where's she??? she has lost everything, her soul, her dignity, her pride, her honour, her humour, and her sensibility, all because of feelings...thank god i still have some friends who really care...i feel that i've reached the lowest point of my life, where nothing could be achieved, i wish to let love go right now, i wish to just forget about everything and start a new life, but can i? have i gotten too deep? I am so damn confused I dun even know what i'm doing...to love, or not to love? that's the question of all time...whatever it is, let god decide, i believe there's a light in all our hearts, and one day we shall learn to follow this light and be where we are supposed to be

My life has never been better!!

there have been a lot of people walking in and out of my life, i've had best friends, good friend, close friends, friends that could do anything for me, friends that i could do anything for. when a friendship ended everytime, i couldn't help but to wonder where did it go wrong, people that i have thought a world of, turned out that he/she was just another mistake i made in building my friendship with, along the way, i found out people were only kind to me because they admired me in some ways, but i dun think i've ever found anybody who loves me because they really know me and understand me. of course, it goes two way in friendship and relationship, come to think about it now, i dun think i could ever have done 1% of what some have done to me and for me, looking at the friendship that we've had. Somebody told me before that i trust easily and people take me for granted, that i should be a bit kinder to myself, this is not true at all,i dun trust easily at all, in fact, of all the people i've known, i barely trusted a few, let alone all. everybody's been hurt before, after being hurt, people tend to build a highly defensive wall around themselves, segregating them from the possible outer threat and thus, sometimes, even from the people they love.
Loneliness is unbearable, people have made a lot of stupid mistakes because of it, the way i see it, it is like a timed bomb, sitting itself securely all over you, when the time comes, when the clock starts ticking, you feel lost and helpless, you feel that something has drained all your strength within, something has demolished the wisdom u've had for years, for just that brief moment, nothing seems to matter anymore, not even yourself. Love is not the reason people act absurdly, but love brings loneliness, and loneliness causes troubles. Of course, not everybody deals with it this way, but no doubt, everybody has been defeated by loneliness in one way or another. I am staying very focused now, because i do not wish to make any mistake by acting my loneliness out, and regret my action later, when you feel lonely, the one and only cure that will come to your mind is to get a companionship, from anyone within your grasp and that includes the person you love, this is not going to happen anymore, because no matter how bright and colourful the firework might seem, it will never last for long, the sparks are just too brief for anybody to hold on to.
i'm not feeling well today, just not feeling well. I am still collecting the pieces of my life from everywhere and trying to piece them in one, the puzzle of life might never be completed, but at least i learn and love along the way.

the time is 3.46am, it's raining heavily,
i've been trying to sleep for the past 3 hours,
but couldnt.
the rain came just in time,
it refreshed my cloudy mind,
there are things that u expect,
and things that u will never expect,
not even until the day u die.

The funny poem on top explains everything that i've been going thru for the past 3 hours, i really am talented in poems :p. I drank 2 cups of coffee this morning when i was in office, dumb choice! i drank it even though i dun have the habit at all, but it was to keep me awake while i was working. i've been planning a lot of things when i was lying on the bed, too many..and some even unworkable, but who should decide whether my dreams are gonna come true, me!! i was shocked last night, truly shocked when i read a sms from a person who i thought i could trust and even though we r not what we used to be, i tot we were not enemies. for the first time last night after many many many days, i felt helpless and lost, i felt that i really had no one in my life, nobody was there for me and nobody would be there for me. but today, i felt differently. i'm supposed to be in charge of my life, nobody's supposed to affect my emotions because if i don't let it, nothing can hurt me! throughout the day i was still shocked, but no longer devastated and miserable, it was a kind of strength that's new to me, and because of this strength, i made myself felt better again

don't let dissapointment and self-pity overwhelm you, i've learned this. Instead of thinking what could have happened that it turned out that way, start thinking how should i relieve myself from the pain, time can heal all pain, and this is so true, take a step at a time, take everything light and easy, and soon enough, you will find that nothing is as terrible as u imagine.

RIDICULOUS!

RIDICULOUS! why should i feel bad and guilty for something which i've not done wrongly?? all this while i have been true to myself, even if it hurts u, i've not lied to myself so far, so y should i be down and i was guilt-stricken for a while, silly me! i did what i had to do and even if nobody could understand me, it's ok, as long as i knew i was right! u guys thought u could make me feel bad? u guys tot everything was my fault? come on, if i did not do what i had to do, it would have been worse for all parties. i dun care anymore, i know i did nothing, even if u tot otherwise. even if one day i have nobody else in the world, i still have myself, that's more than enough, i dun need anyone, i dun trust anyone, i certainly dun care about anyone, nobody can bring me down, try as u may, u can never hurt me, not even close! i promised myself not to let anyone in my world, this is how it is, this is how it will be, the next person that is allowed into my world, he's the one for life! everyone is selfish, i guess i am the most selfless person compared to a lot of people, even if u think i've done u wrong, u r selfish, u never stood in anyone's shoes to think for that person, so y should i put myself in ur shoes and think of what u felt and felt guilty myself?? RIDICULOUS!

Crazy!

i am not that enthusiastic about blog anymore :p, but anyway for my loyal reader (which is myself in 10 yrs time), i am gonna write some random stuff. Blogging does let me release stress (a little), at least during the time of thinking what to write, i dun have to think about other silly things which have been playing on my mind for the past few days. my life was peaceful since a month ago (b4 that it was a mess, really!!) until yesterday, it was turned upside down. Anyway i am gonna share what i plan to do in a few months time, i wanna go for a trip, all alone. I wanna see the things i've never seen b4. i've always heard when you go for a trip alone, u see things that u dun usually see when going for a trip with someone else, let me experience that and i will see if it's true :P

My job leaves me exhausting, but not as much as my life does, but most of the time, i caused the exhaustion myself, serves me right! I've learned from my mistake, never to hope for anything which is not realistic, i love this quote " you are not responsible for what others think of you", well said! and i am those that don't give a damn about what others think about me, not at all, i was myself, am myself and will be myself until i lie in my grave.


Life is still beautiful, no matter how you look at it. But sometimes the beauty turns into horror when i complicate it, so can't blame no one, be direct, be straight-forward, know what you want, always face the truth, always tell the truth even if it hurts others, even if they hate u, even if they start having doubt in you, BE YOURSELF!! Heart is my only thing that i dun wanna lie to, brains are my only assets that can keep me from troubles. I've no complaint about myself so far, because no matter how confusing the situation around me was, i could get myself out of the confusion so far after being trapped in it for a period of time, so i do have STRENGTH, HOORAY!!!!

ok, bye bye, i feel much better already :P

~MONEY~

The time is 7.19pm, and i am still stuck in the office, the reason i am willing to stay overtime is because i have got this sales i need to close, and it all boils down to money money money at the end of the day. Sometimes i ask myself whether it is worth it, to just let go of my life and my "youth" because of dollars and cents. At times i lost the purpose of living, i have no family to pay for, no partner to plan and build my future with, all i have eventually is just myself. But certain reasons give me the strength to go on, and it makes me realize that i don't only have myself, i have my dreams and i have a lot to work for, so here i am, staying till 7.26pm, writing this boring stuff, gtg back to work, client will be here soon :D

Relationship

Today i'd like to write about relationship, i've no idea why, but here i am. When i first created the blog i told myself not to write about this topic, partly because i've never been good at it, so there's no point writing about it, the other part is because my siblings MIGHT read my blog now and then, so i think it's not such a good topic to share with them. but anyway, as my sis once told me "blog is used to express your thoughts and feelings, no strings attached, no responsibility, whatever is on your mind, and whether it is an absurd topic, as long as u feel like letting it out but nobody is there to share with u, well blogging is always there", this is so true. Relationship and i do not go along so far, i've been in and out a few, and it always ended tragically. Each and everytime it ended, i got to know myself better but at the same time, it pained me to realize that i could never be in a relationship with anybody if i did not love myself better. When couples get married, are they really in love or they are only getting married because they are used to the existence of each other? it's a fine line between these two and people often get confused, i think. Being out of relationship recently made me realized that i was weak, weaker than i thought i was. i needed a person to be there for me and to attend to my every needs but at the same time, i was afraid to sacrifice and compromise, this is absolute selfish, love can never exist in selfishness. When a relationship ends, the winner is not the person who asks for a break up, but the loser is both. I've learned that when you have the person u love with u, appreciate him/her, because when u lose it, u lose everything, and i've learned this painfully. So i will never make the same mistake again, never ever, because i know the next person that i be with, i will be with him whole-heartedly, and well if i could not find THE one, then i am quite content with myself, learning to love myself is the first step of loving others. Overall, i've never regretted any single moment, because if i did not go through all these, i would not have thought about relationship differently, and my relationship would always be a failure, no matter who the person is, well, i still have a long way to go, i know and i'm willing to walk alone now until i find someone whom i can share my journey with :D

To Hell With You & out of sight, out of mind

I've never been afraid of puppies, r u kidding me? i love puppies. In fact i influenced my whole family into liking puppies. But since yesterday, i started doubting my affection. My mom brought this furkid home yesterday, she's helping my grandparents to take care of it, and the last time i met this strange little thing was at least half a year ago, or perhaps more, not sure...anyway this furkid is known to be friendly and active and it befriended every single human living that has ever been to my grandparent's house. So when my mom brought it home, i was thinking to myself, at least i had "something" to play with. When it first saw me, for the first 5 minutes, it was ok, wagging his tail and whatnot, then he suddenly barked at me, and not the friendly bark, it was loud and ferocious (well ferocious is a big word for a little thing like him), and it looked at me like i've just murdered his family right in front of his eyes, he took a few steps forward and a few backward, well if i would have kicked him, he would have been gone to the puppy heaven by now. And i was taken aback, i was wondering what was wrong with him, and this has been going on for 2 days now, he even bit me this morning while i was patting its head, i really can't figure out why. now i know i am not only a stranger to my family, i am a stranger to a puppy too :P. My sister started giving ridiculous reason, "your hair looks like lion and lion belongs to the feline family", and my brother, "could be your contact lenses because u r wearing green, maybe he doesn't like green", joker!!! This has got me wondering, the phrase "out of sight, out of mind" could be true.

"out of sight, out of mind"- the first time i heard this phrase, it was from my mom, i still remember we were talking about high school friends, how we close we used to be and when we graduated from high school, everybody had changed, even those who were closest. It got me into thinking, when you don't see a person all the time, does it mean your brains start erasing all the memories u share with this person bit by bit? i've seen too many examples of this, it leads to a further question, do we only care about the person that we see everyday?? no matter how close u were, no matter how much u've shared, what u've shared, when he no longer sees u everyday, he will get used to the impression that he does not need to see u at all, i know this is not true, i am just being extreme :D well damn exhausting, will continue tomorrow, ciao !!!

FaceBook!!

FaceBook is the "in" thing now, everybody (well almost everybody) is using it, our life can never be usual without checking who leaves a comment on our photos or that who and who are in relationship or even better, break up :D. we maintain our relationship and friendship by depending on this medium and a lot of times people even fight among themselves over comments or whatsoever that is being posted on FB. Most of the people think that FB is useful because we only need to click and read, and information or updates of our friends are on our fingertips, it saves the trouble of posting a letter or better, meeting up with your friends over a coffee to see how they are. well, to me, FB is useful no doubt, useful for me to get to know new people from all around the globe and to be in touch with friends whom i've lost contact years ago (i really mean YEARSSSSS), but what about the human touch? what about the feeling of wanting to say something to a person and the satisfying expression from the person you love? we've lost all that!! A lot of people do not know how to communicate anymore, verbally, but they can all compete for the world's fastest typist, we've left the art of communication behind and what we do is, we read from letters and alphabets to see what is going on with a person's life (well such as blogging :P). A very funny thing happened to a friend of mine, she broke up with her bf and the next day they broke up, he changed his status from "married" to "single" and of course, a number of friends left him comments asking him what was going on, and the reply went back and forth but nobody actually called to ask and after a few days, as expected, case closed. what i'm trying to say is, nobody really cares if you are sad on FB because they can't see your emotion while u're typing, even if it's heart-breaking, they will not give a damn because they don't bother to know what you really feel, they are more concerned with what is written in your post. Things were definitely different years ago, when a friend was heart-broken, they went for a talk over a cup of frappucino at Starbucks and they shared their pain and agony, they talked about what went wrong and even gossiped about ex-partner, and miraculously, it fixed a little portion of the broken heart (everybody has experienced this, don't deny), was it because of the frappucino or the talk? or maybe because of both. Ask yourself, when there's something new happening to you (be it good or bad) and u post it in fb, how many of your friends there will actually give u a call and ask about it?? or they merely use 5 seconds to leave u an extremely short message or comment, thinking that this is enough to show the world how "close" you guys are. I've chosen not to disclose a lot about what is happening to me in FB, because to me, it has nothing to do with anybody and even if they know about it through my post on FB, it's not gonna make me any happier or more miserable, it just doesn't affect me. so why should i share my life issues with friends who merely share the same website and the keyboard with me? But undeniably, it is satisfying to see what's new with the person u have a soft spot for and checking your partner's fb account is almost as...........sinful and tempting as eating a bar of dark chocolate with caramel coated :P. i'm sure most of you have seen millions of pictures of that 15 friends in your FB, and pictures of them "cam-whoring" (as what they call it, to me the phrase really sounds fucked up because it is demeaning) in the public toilet, in the car (with a seatbelt strapped on) or in the mall. some might say they are just having the time of their lives and wanna share it with friends, the truth is, they want to show the Gucci bag that they are carrying in their hands or the Armani clothes they are wearing, or even the new camera phone that they use to take the picture. It leaves us to another issue, why are we so VAIN? Have we lost ourselves to think that all these things define us? But still, it's cool to show off once in a while :P so from now on, if you want to be treated like a human with feelings instead of words and alphabets, call that friend who changes his status from "married" to "single" on FB and that friend who comes back from the europe trip with the whole album-filled of pictures uploaded on FB :D

p/s- this article applies to friendster, hi5 and u name-it-all social networking website on the internet!

The First Blog Ever !!

Hello everyone, well i am not even sure if anybody would be reading this, anyway why should i care if anybody is reading? i am never the type that will share my life story with anybody and never thought that i would, but everything has its first time :D, i owe this "first time" to my sister because i am the biggest fan of her blog and it seems so easy for her to just express anything on her mind, not to say it is not good though, but it will be a little tough for me in the beginning. Through my sister's blog, i saw myself in her eyes, how she felt about me, what was on her mind, and at a point of time, i was devastated to realize that our communication limited to the articles she published about me on the blog (well there were only 2 or 3 anyway, the rest is about her BF and BFFs :P). Since this is the first blog, i'm gonna talk about my family because they are most important to me, although at times they might not feel so. I have wonderful parents who have gone through ups and downs in life and still have the strength to go through them for many years to come. My sister, sometimes she's a retard but overall she's adorable and sweet (when she wants to be), and she's a all-rounder, she's freaking good in studies and everything that she does, she's the pride of our family (I gladly hand over my place to her when i went to study somewhere else). our little brother, the apple of the family's eyes, he's smart and matured, the only person who would help around the family chores :P and well i always think to myself : this is gonna be one good catch for ladies when he grows up, because he's just perfect in my eye ( i talked abt zhi hao a little bit more because nobody talks about him on blog, so dun be jealous ok jing? :P). My siblings might not realize it but they mean the world to me, more than what i mean to myself. This blog is getting pretty long and i could go on and on but it is time to stop now, the longer i stay here (not sure how long it will last or how determined i will be to keep blogging) the more i will reveal about myself :P ( not that anybody really gives a damn ), so STAY TUNED!!!