Chiquitita by ABBA - a reminder that there's always tomorrow

Chiquitita, tell me what's wrong
you're enchained by your own sorrow
In your eyes there is no hope for tomorrow
how i hate to see you like this
there is no way you can deny it
i can see that you're oh so sad, so quiet

chiquitita, tell me the truth
I'm a shoulder you can cry on
your best friend, I'm the one you must rely on
You were always sure of yourself
Now I see you've broken a feather
I hope we can patch it up together

Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leaving
You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving
Chiquitita, you and I cry
But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita

So the walls came tumbling down
And your love's a blown out candle
All is gone and it seems to hard to handle
Chiquitita, tell me the truth
There is no way you can deny it
I see that you're oh so sad, so quiet

Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leaving
You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving
Chiquitita, you and I cry
But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song chiquitita

I am done

My eyes are burning, I don't know of any other way to let it all out. Have you ever felt that you are helpless and hopeless at the same time, with this giant empty hole inside you? it's a very screwed up feeling, maybe this is the consequence of knowing too much. Humans are not supposed to know so much, most people are happy because they know what is sufficient for them to know to get on with life, but knowing more than that, it starts burning a hole inside, bit by bit, until u can't even breathe anymore. I feel that i dun belong in this world, at this moment, i wish i could be somewhere else than here. I think if it wasn't because of my family, i would have given up long ago, I would have quit from living, everything i tot i knew of, nothing is true, they are all just a pile of sandcastle that you've tried so hard to build, but when the wind comes, it all falls apart, life is pretty funny, it works so hard to bring you down and you work so hard to suck it all up, try standing up again, once, twice, thrice and it goes on for the rest of your life. I thought that empty space could be filled up, with time and other essences such as love and faith, faith in myself that it would all go away and all be okay again, little did i know it only took one small blow to make the emptiness more hollow and harder to bear, and yes, now there's a hole in my heart, i guess no matter how i try to fill it up, it will just drift away. I despise this life and more than that, i despise myself, I despise the fact that I've lost all my faith in everything, I've lost my faith in believing something could be good, anything at all..nothing is good. I wonder if I had to go on with this life alone, if i had to do it all alone, would everything be better? perhaps there's nothing worthy in me, love does not bring out the better in me, it brought out all the empty sorrow and reminded me again and again how foolish i could be...so why hold on to it? wouldn't it be better to deal with life alone and let all the sadness come and pass me, to just let it go through me like it doesn't matter..i dun wanna make anything matter anymore, i am done...and doomed...

~Random~

The minute troubles are over, that's when you live again, but troubles will never be over permanently, not as long as you live, guess that's why people always say life goes on, by the tone of it, it sounds like life is all about troubles but no matter how troubled it is, one always has his way of rising up, through it all. I dunno why am i writing all these, because right now i have no troubles at all, perhaps we have all lived with troubles for such a long time that even when we have none, we tend to cling on to it like it's part of us. It is part of us :P. I've always asked myself y didn't i blog when i felt contented and happy? now i know the answer, because when i felt that troubles were far away from me, i had no reason to pour my heart out, people only pour their hearts out during frustration, disappointment and everything bad..and this is just wrong. When you feel all fine and happy, dun u want to remember the moment and re-live it like how we all do with sadness? Sadly this privilege of re-living the moments is only reserved for sorrows, well blame it on the biological function of our brains (although i dunno how it actually works).

Whatever it is, I feel blessed at this moment itself and i just want this moment to be captured because this moment might never come again, who knows?? too much crap, too early in the morning :)

"The Blowers Daughter"

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

-such a beautiful song but i was searching for the meaning of it because i didn't really get the hang of it and guess what i found :P here's a story to the song (let me copy and paste..hehehe..)

~THE MEANING~
"The thing with the clarinet teacher is a common misconception about this song. It's been said so often that it's almost become a self-fulfilling truth. Can't remember where it was first mentioned but it's been picked up and gained momentum. Anyway, it's not true.

Back when I first saw Damien play years ago he explained the meaning of the song, and it took me a while to understand the relevance. I didn't get it at the time, but luckily someone taped the show and I was able to listen back to it.

The Blower in question wasn't a clarinet teacher, but the cockney rhyming slang for the telephone (Stick with me, I know it sounds ambiguous!). Before he was in Juniper Damien worked at a call centre selling mortgages and loans, and spent all day on the telephone. He grew sick of speaking to people for 8 hours a day without seeing anyone's face, and he began to fantasize about the people behind the many voices he heard. One summer day he phoned a house and a girl with a melodic soft, sweet voice answered the phone. He was calling for her father, but he wasn't in. Protocol said he should have ended the call and phoned back another time, but he was mesmerized and enchanted by her voice and ended up chatting to her for over an hour. Damien began a secret relationship of sorts with the girl, always calling when he knew her father wouldn't be home just so they could talk, despite knowing that it could get him sacked. He dreamed of her at night, daydreamed about her all day long.

This continued for over a month, but one day he called and there was no answer. For the next week he called again numerous times a day, but still nobody picked up the phone. Confused by this abrupt end to the relationship, Damien became angry and obsessive (you were right about the obsessive bit) and found out the address of the girl. He took a day off work and got the bus out to the address.

Hidden in a hedge he watched the front door fervently for any signs of life, but he didn't expect what he finally saw. The voice was unmistakably the same, and as she shouted 'bye mum', closing the front door behind her Damien was amazed to see that this dreamgirl of his was wearing a school uniform. He couldn't believe his eyes and could not stop staring at her in shock. All the pieces of the puzzle finally fell into place - she was at home during the school holidays, led him on and played games, then when school started back she just stopped. Damien was angry but obviously couldn't tell anybody about it for fear of being branded a perv. He left the company and formed Juniper shortly after.

Apparently, although this hasn't been confirmed, this girl was part of the inspiration for volcano as well. (She's still too young)"






~all these saddening tunes are for a teenage girl whom he's never met and just spoken to on the phone???? This guy has "great" inspiration for the song, the song sounded like his love just died right in front of him, it turned out to be a puppy love :P, well he's still talented nonetheless, he could turn such a simple affection for a teenage girl to make it sound like his beloved died in a car accident...:P

This is a song to a person who has taught me so much, who has always been there but I never realized how important this person was until he's gone, even if everything's changed, whatever memories we had could never be erased, and i hope the next time we see each other again, we will be better than we are now, and we will have the strength to live again.....


心动 - 林晓培

有多久没见你 以为你在那里
原来就住在我心底 陪伴着我的呼吸
有多远的距离 以为闻不到你的气息
谁知道你背影这么长 回头就看到你

过去让它过去 来不及
从头喜欢你 白云缠绕着蓝天
如果不能够永远走在一起
也至少给我们怀念的勇气 拥抱的权利
好让你明白 我心动 的痕迹

总是想再见你 还试着打探你 消息
原来你就住在我的身体守护我的回忆

Changeling (2008) directed by Clint Eastwood

I've just finished watching the movie, yeah i know i've been watching a lot of movies, This is it by MJ b4 and now Changeling, well what to do, i have no important dates to go for and i have plenty of time at home, this is one of the best things that could ever happen to me, honestly :P. I "started" watching this movie 2 weeks ago and yes, obviously i did not go on until the end first time watching it, in fact it was at very beginning of the movie that i stopped it. I told a friend that the movie was bullcrap, reason? It showed how powerless a woman could be and i hated that feeling, I hated the fact that the movie portrayed women as the weaker subject, and it was ridiculous how the police forced the mother to admit that the son was hers when in fact he was not, for you who have not heard of the movie or watched it or even read the sypnosis of it, plz do so in wikipedia or even better, watch it. Today, before i was about to sleep, i suddenly remembered that i've this half-watched movie left and so i told myself no matter how absurd, finished it because it's Angelina Jolie's movie (well how bad can her movies be :P). After watching it, I have to admit this is the first movie ever, that I CRIED while watching it, not sobbing, crying ;). It is truly moving and forget about the acting of the actors (obviously their skills were impeccable), the message that the movie brought, i've never felt anything quite like this before from a movie, well i've watched a few good movies but this is totally different. I cried when the murderer Gordon Stewart Northcott was hanged and i've no idea why ( i sorta thought i cried at the wrong part of the movie, well should have cried when i saw the helplessness and the feeling of lost in AJ's eyes when searching for her son and she had to bear with the mental and physical torture when she was "escorted" to the asylum due to her confrontation with the force) *you will understand the verb in bracket if u watch the movie*. I cried the moment when the condemned was dropped, when I heard a crack and when he struggled before he died, it was so surreal that i couldn't hold myself. Towards the end, I no longer thought that the movie displayed women as weaker sex, u know something, as much as you think women are powerless, that's how strong they are. I was so moved by the movie that I think it's really worth mentioning, it shows u despair that everybody experiences everyday, nobody escapes from it, the despair of losing ur loved ones, the despair of watching ur loved ones die, the despair of not knowing what's gonna happen, the despair of being completely sane but nobody buys it. This movie's based on a true event so it added the element of realness to it.

So again, of course, it is about me :P. Whatever problems I'm facing right now is nothing compared to those who have suffered lost of loved ones and no matter how "despair" i believe myself to be, I can be nowhere near that, so here comes my strength again to move on, to tell myself that nothing is as bad, take life easy for now as we will all have many other occasions which will make life so much harder (i sincerely hope nothing of that sort will happen but life is life, we are not living on a bed of roses all the time), appreciate what you have because once it's gone, you might never have the second chance to get it back ;)



P/S: oh yeah, credit goes to Clint Eastwood (not like he needs my compliment anyway :P) wonderful storyline which touched the core of my heart ;)

This Is It by MJ (R.I.P)

When i first heard mom saying: " we're going for MJ's movie this sat, i've bought the tickets, so make urself available." I was like "isn't it enuff already, no disrespect but let's move on, let him move on and we should move on too" Anyway before going for the movie i almost wanted to back out but i didn't have the heart to tell my mom so. I googled on the internet(and yes fyi i can use google)and started reading the preliminary of the movie, basically it's just about the "This Is It" concert which MJ was supposed to perform around the world before his death, the movie is a compilation of dancing rehearsals, the casting of dancers, MJ vocal training etc, the opening was well....earnest..a few dancers talking about how happy they were to work with MJ and some of them even cried, but at that moment when u looked at their expression, u knew that MJ was larger than life to them, even to millions of others. Listening to some of the old songs of MJ like "earth song", "they don't care about us", "Billy Jean" and others was like walking down the memory lane, not only that u remember the songs and the music videos, it brought back a lot of my own memories to me, and mind u, he sang those songs live, that's the awesome part, u actually heard him singing during the rehearsal for the concert and i have to admit this, his voice sounded like an angel, to me, at least :) i felt good about myself when i was watching the documentary, suddenly i felt that nothing could really harm me, i have my whole life to fall back to if anything happens, i am not sure how many of u understands that feeling, but it feels nice to be able to fall back to your life, unlike falling back to a person, whom u might not be able to trust all the time, but your own life, it's like yourself, except your own action and inaction shapes the way it looks, but it belongs to you, it is yours, nobody can take that away from you, it doesn't matter if it will turn out right in the future, but at one point, the point where u start pondering about it, it is yours. I figured i really did not need anyone else other than my own family, and myself, I was born alone and i've come this far alone, y do i need anyone to make me happy? i will be happy if i want to be, regardless of who i have and who i don't. Perhaps inner peace is really all about self-reliance, i dunno. Coming back to the documentary, MJ was presented as himself, u know there are a lot of corny hollywood stars trying to make a real-life documentary about themselves and they are even faker than the hollywood movies itself. well i might be biased but i guess MJ couldn't have guessed that the footage would be made into a movie, so my assumption....he was really himself in the footage, and i admire him. He was like a friend to everybody, that down-to-earth, that humble, he had this magnetic charm that everybody wanted to get closer to him, to hear what he said, to just sit there and listen to him singing. A person with such great talent, but nobody was intimidated, and throughout his rehearsal, he mouthed this several times and i think it's really sweet "god bless u" to several of his dancers and co-workers, through MJ, u see an un-tainted star, u see someone as pure as water, someone who has not had a better life than all of us had (although he definitely had much much more money and fame :P), and yet persevered and stood at the mountain top, even when scandals had brought him down. I should stop writing about MJ, because i can go on and on, let him rest in peace. I love you Michael Jackson :D